


For Every Head, A Hat

by StripedSunhat



Series: A Village of One [4]
Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: First fights, Gen, Klaus's unacknowledged parental jealousy, THIS IS NOT WHAT GOOD PARENTING LOOKS LIKE KLAUS, Why Klaus needs therapy, Why Sparks need therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 14:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16139612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StripedSunhat/pseuds/StripedSunhat
Summary: The generals keep Dietrich close because he's 'verra gud vith keds' which is useful when playing at peace.  He's protective and compassionate and genuinely likes children.  His smile, once you get past the sharpness, isn't scary.  He can wiggle his ears.  He's good at engaging children at their level and even better at making them laugh.  In short he's exactly the kind of person you would want lending a hand with keeping an eye on your kid.Who'd like to guess how much of that Klaus doesn't see?





	For Every Head, A Hat

Dietrich always reminded Klaus of a swamp. His eyes were a murky green and his skin a muddy greenish-brown with his hair color somewhere in between the two. Add to that the fact that his skin was scaly in places and that the draught had made his ears slightly finned and he looked more like a particularly uncreative Spark had tried to create a swamp monster with an eye towards integration into society rather than a jäger. At least until he opened his mouth.

Dietrich had _very_ sharp teeth. Even by jäger standards they were impressive. Klaus suspected they were part of the reason the jäger generals kept him at hand. He forced a person’s eyes to travel up and up and up until it suddenly ended in sharp jaws.

Of course all that building intimidation was ruined when he sat on the floor. Dietrich was plopped down in the middle of the floor, long legs sticking out awkwardly where they were piled under him. Next to him was Gilgamesh who seemed completely comfortable crowding into the jäger’s personal space, oblivious to the teeth and claws so close to him. They were looking at Gilgamesh’s latest project. Dietrich acted eagerly interested despite the fact that it had to be completely beyond him. When neither of noticed his entrance Klaus coughed pointedly.

“Oh! Father!”

“Son.”

“I was just showing Dietrich my new hydraulic combustion engine.”

“He does seem to do a rather consistent job of distracting you.” Dietrich pouted, lower lip sticking out an almost comical amount. A jäger shouldn’t be allowed to pout. It wasn’t natural.

“He wasn’t distracting me. He was helping with ideas.” Klaus severely doubted that.

“Be that as it may, I’m certain Dietrich has his own duties to attend to.”

“He –”

“No, no. De Baron’s right. Hy should go.”

“You’ll be back soon, right?”

“Hov course.” He reached out and ruffled Gilgamesh’s hair, the same way he always seemed to do when leaving. “I’ll see hyu again soon. Hy’ll bring snacks!” he said, prompted a giggle out of Gilgamesh. Dietrich grinned back before finally standing up. “Herr Baron,” he said with a respectful dip of his head. He walked over to the door, pausing one last time to wave wildly goodbye at Gilgamesh before actually leaving.

* * *

Klaus next saw Dietrich two days later. He was walking down the hallway, arms laden down with more weapons than should ever responsibly left with a jäger. And far closer to the school than he ever should be.

“Dietrich,” he said, calling the jäger to a halt.

“Herr Baron,” Dietrich said, tipping his head forward and easily juggling the deathrays in his grip.

“That was the third time this month I’ve caught you in the lab with Gilgamesh.”

Dietrich blinked dumbly. “Hy guess. So?”

“You are distracting him. You are distracting him from his studies and from his experiments and I will not have it.”

“Some Sparks, dey need total silence und a locked room vith electrified poodles guarding the door to keep everybody out. Others, dey vork better vith a leettle chaos around dem. Leettle Gil, he’s definitely more de chaos type.” Klaus should have known he would have an excuse ready to go.

“And what about your official duties,” he all but growled.

Dietrich shrugged, not fazed by Klaus’s rapidly growing vexation at all. “Not so much. Hyu keep us around to be scary und fight vhen sometink attacks. Ve gots lots eff free time vhen de castle’s not beink attacked.”

“‘Free time’ does not justify wandering around areas you shouldn’t be in, disturbing delicate work.”

“So long as ve keeps out of de way eff de important stuff et’s fine.”

Klaus grit his teeth. “Why are you still spending so much time around Gilgamesh?” he demanded, finally getting around to the question he really wanted to ask.

Dietrich blinked again. He tilted his head to the side like he didn’t quite understand the question that was being asked. “Hy likes leettle Gil. He’s a gud ked. Vhy vouldn’t hy vant to spend time around hem?” He paused for a moment before adding, “He needs to laff more.”

Klaus bristled. “And how did you just pick one of the students at random to stalk and as luck would have it he didn’t discourage you?”

“Hy already told hyu, de Generals asked me to keep an eye on hem.”

“That was more than a year ago.”

“Ve jägers, ve is stubborn.” Dietrich grinned, rakish and toothy. “Ve go until ve’re made to stop. Not jest until ve should.”

“So you’re simply going to continue stalking him forever?”

“De Generals, dey told me to watch over hem. Und dey haffn’t told me to stop. So hy von’t.” He tipped his hat – too wide to do so properly but that never stopped a jäger. “Hy gots to go. Hy don’t gots lots eff duties, but hy still have some.” Klaus stepped aside, watching him leave.

Well that solved nothing.

* * *

Something was different. The thought solidified five minutes into a tea break with his son in the lab. Klaus surreptitiously scanned his son, relieved when it didn’t seem to be anything directly to do with him. The tea set was similarly unchanged. Then Zoing came back with the jar of honey. There. That’s what was different. The scraggly knit cap Zoing had been wearing since his creation was gone, replaced by a slightly lopsided ushanka. It covered almost all of his head, leaving only his eye and antenna visible.

Actually that was a very good question; how were his antenna visible? Originally they’d poked through two of the numerous holes in the cap but this new hat seemed to be, well, new.

When Zoing came over to the table to collect the now-empty teacups Klaus leaned over and studied the top of the hat. There were two little slits in the top of the hat. The uneven stitching surrounding them implied that they were intentional. Had someone been teaching Gilgamesh how to sew? No, Klaus would have known about it if that were the case. Besides while the stitching was uneven it was clearly done by a hand with at least a few years of experience. Suddenly the hat moved out of his vision. He tried to follow it and found himself looking at an angrily glaring Zoing.

“Father?” Gilgamesh stepped into his line of vision. He was chewing on his lower lip, a nervous tic he was still training himself out of. “Is everything alright?”

“Are you responsible for the alterations in the hat?” He already knew the answer but it never hurt to verify.

“Huh? No, Dietrich was the one who fixed it.”

“Dietrich?” he repeated. He had to have heard that wrong.

“Yeah, he said Zoing’s old hat was falling apart. If you have a hat it should always be a good one. But it squished his antenna so he said he’d fix it so they’d have room. He only brought it back yesterday.”

“You’re making it sound like Dietrich was the one to give Zoing the hat.”

“He was.”

“He gave him a **hat** ,” Klaus said. A jäger didn’t just give out _hats_.

“Yes?” Gilgamesh asked clearly confused. Obviously he didn’t understand just how massive a problem this was.

Klaus shut his eyes for a second, forcing himself to work through the issue logically. “You said he took it back to fix it. When did he originally give it to him?”

“My birthday.”

Gilgamesh’s.

Birthday.

Dietrich hadn’t given _Zoing_ a hat; he’d given _Gilgamesh_ one.

Klaus’s hand curled into a fist and he resisted the urge to tear the hat off the construct’s head and set it on fire. “It would be best if you got rid of it.”

“What?” Gil asked, scrambling out of his seat. “Why?”

“It’s not appropriate. Not to keep and certainly not for him to have given to you.”

“But he didn’t give it to me he gave it to Zoing.” Klaus paused, not sure how to explain the truth without further elevating the hat in his son’s mind. No, it was best if he didn’t know.

“Zoing is your construct. The connection is clear enough.”

“I can’t just take Zoing’s hat away from him.”

“You can and you will.” Gilgamesh’s arms dropped limply to his sides. He looked like someone had just struck him. Wonderful. As if Klaus already didn’t feel like slime. Klaus turned away. He’d have to start teaching his son about the expectations that came with his position. Like it or not he was more important than the rest of the world.

“I won’t.”

“What?” Klaus turned back to his son sharply. Gilgamesh’s hands were twitching in the edges of his sleeves but his shoulders were set and he stared unflinchingly up at Klaus.

“It’s Zoing’s hat,” he said, the very picture of nervous but resolute. “It’s his decision whether he wears it or not.” Nervous, resolute and **disobedient**.

“Gilgamesh. I am telling you to get rid of the hat.”

“No!” Klaus stood up, glaring down at his son. Gilgamesh did not back down. In fact he moved so he was between Klaus and Zoing.

_Son, when you one day have children of your own, if they are even a quarter as stubborn as you the two of you will be able to fight for years before backing down. And when that day comes I suggest you choose very carefully what you want to go to war over._

“We will talk about this later. Return to your dormitory. Immediately.” Gilgamesh reached out and tugged Zoing forward. “Alone. Do not take Zoing with you.” Gilgamesh froze for half a second before pushing at Zoing until he scuttled off by himself. His son waited until they couldn’t hear him anymore before hurrying out himself. Now that the confrontation was broken he did not meet Klaus’s eyes.

Klaus stood alone in the lab and very carefully reigned in the urge to throw something against the wall.

This had gone far too far.

* * *

The generals did not expect him when he stormed into their quarters. “Dietrich has been spending far too much time around and in the labs.”

“He has been distracting and derailing Gilgamesh at every turn. He’s been doing so ever since you set him on him.”

“He was breaking through and you were not on the airship,” Zog said.

Klaus forced himself to reel himself back in. “While I am – grateful – that you kept an eye on him, erstwhile that it was, during his breakthrough that time has long passed.”

“What is it you are asking from us Herr Baron?” Khrizhan asked.

“I do not want Dietrich near Gilgamesh”

There was a long moment of silence. “He is your son, not our Heterodyne,” Khrizhan finally said. “Hyu will raise him as you wants. That is for hyu to do.”

It wasn’t good enough. “The Western border of the empire is still having problems. I want Dietrich to be a part of that contingent.”

“Dat ve can’t do.”

“And why not?”

“Hyu agreed, back vhen ve first joined hyu, dat ve could keep back vhatever handful of jägers ve vanted. Dietrich is vun of dose jägers.”

“And you agreed to help me keep the empire in line. That is what I’m trying to do.”

“Hy’m not so sure,” Goomblast muttered.

“The problems at the western border are crucial.”

“Und half un empire away.”

“Meybe ve ken come to an agreement,” Zog cut in. De airship is verra big. Dere’s no reason vhen Dietrich’s not running errands for us his duties can’t keep him on de other end of et.”

“So you can immediately send him on an errand into the school?”

The generals looked at each other. Whatever passed back and forth between them was lost on Klaus. “Ve haff several jägers,” Khrizhan said slowly. “Dere’s no reason Dietrich’s errands for us can’t also be on the other end of the airship.”

“Very well. I want it done immediately.”

“Of course, Herr Baron.”

* * *

“Herr Baron!” Klaus stopped where he was walking until Dietrich could catch up. The jäger was unusually solemn-faced. “De Generals, dey told me dat hy’m being reassigned.

“I am aware.”

“Dey told me hyu was the one who requested hy be reassigned.”

“I am.” He waited for the inevitable outburst. The flurry of impulsive violence. It had been a while since he’d had to fight a jäger. However none came.

“No, eet’s hokay. Hy gets it. Dis is about me spending time vith leettle Gil.” Dietrich paused, clearly waiting to see if Klaus was going to say anything. Klaus stared right back, demanding Dietrich to be the one to finish the thought.

After a long moment he finally did. His jaw tightened with suppressed emotion. “Hyu is telling me to stop.”

“I am.”           

Dietrich gave a small nod, more to himself than to Klaus. “Hyu is telling me to stop,” he repeated. Klaus turned to leave. The problem had resolved itself and now he could move on to more important things. “But the ting is –” Klaus froze. He turned back around. Dietrich hadn’t moved, imposingly tall even casually slouched as he was. “De ting is, leettle Gil didn’t.” He grinned widely at Klaus, baring every last one of his fangs – a threat and a challenge and a reminder. ( _You are not a Heterodyne. Fight me. Fight me I will **win.**_ ) “Ve jägers, ve is verra stubborn.”

He gave a low formal soldier’s bow before straightening sharply. “Hy gots to go, duties for de empire. Hy’m sure hyu gots lots to do hyus-self so hy von’t keep hyu.” Then before Klaus could even say a word Dietrich turned and took off in a loping jog down the hallway. Klaus pushed down the cold feeling forming in the pit of his stomach and went to inform the guards that Dietrich had been restationed and shouldn’t be allowed near the labs or the school.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay everyone, raise one arm so your hand is level with your head, palm facing forward. Move your hand side to side several times. Now repeat after me: "By Dietrich!"  
> Despite his little speech it's going to be a lot harder for Dietrich to spend time with Gil and he knows it. He'll probably only be able to check in on him occasionally and from our perspective this may very well be the last we see of him at all.  
> So at least for us, this is our send off.


End file.
